Club run reports - 26th January

Category 6 ride led by Tony Dos Santos
Today was going to be very cold. I had put on three layers plus a jacket. I turned up at a desolate  Allenbury's. Bull rushes were blowing across the car park and there was a gun fighter standing there, waiting for a gun fight. OK, OK, none of that actually happened apart for the desolate part. 

I put the bike together, as today I drove up, since the forecast was going to be 800mph after 12pm, with rain forecast. Pete and Carolyn turned up at about 8:50 and then Kevin McPheat. That was it, only four of us. Off to Thremhall we must go. Well, that was the plan. 

Off we rode, with the wind straight in our faces, full hurricane force; it was like pedalling through treacle. Alright, once again it wasn’t that bad (smile emoji - remember, we can’t have emojis on the website (laugh emoji)). Other riders were flying by and even a tricycle rode overtook with a four year old on it. OK, OK,  once again, that never happened (laugh emoji). I think I’m losing the plot, don’t you? No need to answer that one, eh (wink, and laugh emoji). 

My hands were freezing cold. Carolyn and Pete had “claw hands” and she even said that her hands were roasting hot. I was so so jealous, then Carolyn did the Vulcan greeting and said “live long and prosper” (OK, OK, she did not say that but, but she did do the Vulcan greeting).

We were about nine miles into the ride and Pete and Carolyn were chatting “in the corner”, clearly plotting something! OK, OK, that bit did not happen either. We were all chatting about how we can shorten the ride to avoid the impending apocalypse due at midday. After ten minutes of fighting and arguments (there was none of that) we all decided to go to Cafe Mocha in Bishops Stortford.  We were there in minutes. OK, OK, it was, in reality, about an hour. 

We arrived at half past ten (well, we would have been really disappointed if it was 10 o'clock and the cafe had been closed (laugh emoji)). Mocha was busy as normal, but we got a table for four, and within minutes the food was on the table (this is the bit of the report that is true). 

Pete and Carolyn ordered scones. When they came out, they were so big, they would not fit on a dinner plate - this bit is definitely not true, as they were the size of a Ritz cracker, OK, OK, a little bit bigger than that, but I’m digressing (laugh and smiley emoji)). Kevin and I,  being more of the traditionalist, ordered toasted sausage sandwiches. I kid you not, from when we ordered them, they were in front of us, in about 4 minutes (this bit is factual and true). 

After consuming their massive scones (one mouthful, and they were gone) and a hot drink, we were out of the cafe in about twenty to twenty five minutes. I mean, the service is so quick in there, even before you’ve ordered it, it’s on the table (lmao - not an emoji). 

The ride back, was thirteen miles, even though Kevin said it was only ten miles (laugh emoji). We had a little bit of a tailwind, but the temperature was dropping fast and we knew the apocalypse was looming. We were the “Four Horsemen”,  just needing the war and hunger to start (Roflmao). The clouds started getting darker and we shot up Kettle Green Lane. Well when I say “we”, Pete Kev and Carolyn shot up and I lazily ascended and, and as usual, it nearly killed. The other three horsemen were waiting, tapping their feet, waiting for me. Over the bridge I went and they were cheering and whooping (another untruth, lol - no emoji). 

The rest of the ride, as we all know is straight down Cold Christmas Lane and, how we flew back. At the end, we said our goodbyes to Carolyn and Pete. The ride was nearly over. Kevin and myself flew back to the finish. Kev, turned left and I went back to Allenbury's. As I got back, the rain started and the apocalypse had started. Read next week to see what happened after…

Not a single mechanical and not even a slipped gear. 

Obviously, written on the throne. 

Love and kisses. Tony xxx

Category 3 ride led by Graham Knight

There was yet another storm in the forecast so this Sunday's ride was truncated in order to avoid the heavy rain and strong gusts of wind promised for 1pm. The planned northerly loop to Stapleford aerodrome via Toot Hill was replaced by a southerly dive through Hoddesdon and Broxbourne, albeit with a short, hilly diversion through Hertford Heath. Then it was through Nazeing, up Hoe Lane (where Brian was nearly victim to a cunningly concealed icy patch) and through Epping, Theydon Bois and Abridge to the café. There was no lingering there as cloud cover was increasing alongside the wind. Home was up Stonards Hill to Epping, then straight back along the B181 to Roydon. Thanks to what was now a strong tail-wind we made it back to Ware before the rain really got going.