Club run reports -18th September

Category 6 ride led by Tony Dos Santos

Somehow I knew this was going to be a big group. So, I brought the time forwards to 9 o’clock. Obviously, there was great dissension in the ranks, the ranks being Ian Bailey. However, Ian just about made it on time. I arrived with Enzo, Davina and Mike (I love hills) Spicer at 8.40, and already there were people waiting. As more and more came flooding in, I knew the decision to start early was correct. It was nice to see a new face, Richard Waddington - welcome to the club. Cat 5 was also riding from Ware and leaving at 9 too. There was a plethora (my God,  I’ve swallowed a dictionary) of riders and I couldn’t see how many were in the 5 and 6’s. My mind was starting to explode with the realisation that I had to lead fourteen, plus meeting one other at Cold Christmas Lane. 
The person I felt most sorry for was Lisa. This will be four weeks in a row she’s had to ride with me, her being an elite rider now, and able to keep an average speed of 40 mph (honestly no exaggeration (another big word, eh)). I nearly bowed before her! Then there’s Elio (the amazing), who is coming back from a massive crash.

We let the elite 5’s leave, before we were off just after. We rode up to Cold Christmas Lane and who was waiting for us, yes, Carolyn “Rapha” Kelleway. She was looking her usual regimented self (she hates that word, that’s why I use it lol) and with her brand new peach jersey on. She looked like a proper “fessional” and it was a nice little number!  But, shock horror, there was no Pete “the dish” Kelleway. The ranks, started asking questions and in my diplomatic way (you know me) I had to inform all, that Pete had turned to the dark side and gone with the 4’s. Traitor eh! We shall from now on change Pete’s call sign from “The Dish” to “Darth Vader”! 

We were now 15 and riding into the sunset -  no, that’s not the right word, oh yeah, a headwind. Horrible as it may appear, we were all in a good mood, riding along, singing “Do they know it’s Christmas” as it’s not long now and I bet you haven’t bought any presents yet! I have digressed a tad and I really should get on track! Round the lanes we went and up Much Hadham Hill. Mike “I hate hills” Spicer shot up it. He is such a liar, he loves hills! I was up last, as obviously I needed to ensure that everyone had made it first! I tried to take a picture of Graham whilst riding along and each time, he moved over. Eventually Graham realised what I was trying to do and I got a picture. Nearly at Hatfield Forest and Kev’s bike steered him into the forest with gay abandon. It was sunny and 10.30 when we arrived. Luckily we had got to the cafe well before the crowds. David Smith was cracking more jokes than a chef cracks eggs! Being outside, we got the food quickly and it was consumed within minutes. 

Apparently on the L2B ride last week I offended Elio by name calling the Cat 4 group.  Not the first time I had done, I was reminded! We talked about this at great length and a peace agreement was signed and ratified there and then. Therefore no one had to capitulate (another big word), nor back down. Luckily we had a judge to sign and notarise this! 

We rode into the sunset and at Spellbrook crossroads, Elio shouted to me “they’re gone”. I turned round and no one was behind us. Obviously I had feared the worse and thought from Elio’s face and tears rolling down his cheeks, that all our riders had been taken out by a two hundred tonne artic. Our thoughts turned a little darker as we realised the ride report would be somewhat short! Luckily all thirteen came round the corner. Elio’s face turned to a smile as he realised no one had been hit at all. We laughed like drains and that’s when I realised I could write a ride report like this with so much drivel in it. But, let’s face it, you’re still reading it aren’t you? Hooked on every word I type! 

Nearly back in Ware, I turned off with  Davina, Mike, Enzo and Lisa, who had to ride to her son’s football match in Broxbourne. We all said our goodbyes. Riding along and out of Hoddesdon, Enzo says “shall we turn right and go up the hill”! After that comment, I tore up the peace agreement there and then and stand by what said in Brighton! Love you really Cat 4’s. It looks like we all got home safely and not a single mechanical or puncture. This is absolutely amazing. 

You know where I wrote this (just bulking out the report really), yes, it was written on the throne. 
Thanks all for coming and such an enjoyable day.